Is it global warming yet?

It is the middle of December.  Technically, I live in the South.  At least it's south of the Mason-Dixon line.  North Carolina seceded from the Union and took the viewpoint of the men in gray during that recent unpleasantness some refer to as the Civil War, but we all know was really the War Between the States.  Of course, now it is best known as The Northern Invasion, and plans are constantly afoot to correct the erroneous assumption that the damn-Yankees prevailed.  You must understand, of course, a winner cannot be declared until the fat lady sings, and these poor rebel fools won't let any fat ladies anywhere near a microphone.  Anyway, North Carolina is firmly entrenched in the south no matter how you choose to view it.  So why is it so cold?


But, before I go off on a rant about freezing my patootie off, a bit of not commonly known history regarding The Northern Invasion.  My husband, Bud, is from Maryland.  Many people mistakenly believe Maryland is a damn-Yankee state, but they are so very wrong.  First Maryland is home to the Baltimore Orioles and almost every one in the state is 100% totally against the New York damn-Yankees (it's a law in the south -- damn-Yankees is all one word and NEVER are you allowed to say Yankee without preceding it with damn).  Second, Maryland is also physically located on the south side of the Mason-Dixon Line.  And finally, in May of 1861 the Maryland legislature was about to convene to vote for secession from the Union.  Lincoln, being smarter than the average politican, was well aware of the consequences of allowing Washington, DC to become totally surrounded by the enemy.    The District of Columbia was carved out of portions of Virginia and Maryland.  Virginia had already seceded, and even a person totally ignorant of military strategy could understand that if you start a conflict completely surrounded by hostile forces, you are most likely not gonna last long.  Lincoln was nobody's fool.  He sent federal troops into Maryland to occupy Baltimore and declared martial law.  From an article about the aftermath of the Baltimore Riot of 1861:

"The mayor, city council, and police commissioner, who were pro-South, were arrested and imprisoned at Fort McHenry. After the occupation of the city, Union troops were garrisoned throughout the state. Several members of the Maryland legislature (which was days from approving secession) were also unlawfully arrested, and the state was placed under Federal martial law."

So that's how Maryland ended up wearing blue instead of gray.  Though there were still thousands of southern sympathizers in the state, the Federal troops were better equipped and had better weapons.  Any signs of rebellion were immediately quashed.  Unfortunately, Maryland does have some winters that could qualify it for honorary membership in the north.


Which brings me to today's post.  I am cold.  Once I started having hot flashes from "the change", I didn't think I would ever be cold again.  Until recently that was a fact.  For quite some number of years now (until it abruptly stopped in December of 2009) winter in North Carolina has been mild and reasonably snow free.  We got some cold temperatures, and they lasted sometimes as long as a week at a time.  But inevitably it would warm back up into the 40's or 50's and we'd all be happy again.  We might have a light snowfall, but there was never much accumulation and it would melt the next day, or surely the day after.  When we moved here in the early 1980's, the winters were a bit more harsh and snowy, but we had moved here from Baltimore so it was still a big improvement.  Over the years, the winters seemed to get warmer and less snowy, and there was some indication there might really be something to this Global Warming.  Then it snowed in late December, 2009.  It does not snow in North Carolina in December.  Well, obviously it does, but it isn't supposed to snow.  It hardly even snows in the mountains in December.  Most recent years, the ski slopes have been manufacturing snow.  That all ended last December, and continued throughout the winter into January and February and March.  In all it snowed six times, usually more that 4"-5" with each snowfall.   In my opinion (because I don't feel like doing the research), that is totally unprecedented.


In the Piedmont area of North Carolina (where we live), if the snow comes from the west, it will probably not amount to much -- maybe an inch or two at the most.  That's because once the weather system hits the Appalachian Mountains, it mostly snows itself out up there.  However, if the system comes up from the Gulf of Mexico, and a cold front comes from anywhere, and the two collide in North Carolina, the result is almost always a very heavy, dense, wet snow that is often 7" or more.  In North Carolina, snow is not taken lightly.  Most school systems go on alert the moment the "S" word is uttered in any weather forecast.  If the possibility of snow is 100%, the schools will often close in anticipation of the snow, even if there has not been as much as a single flake falling out of the sky yet.  The school bus drivers are just normal North Carolina people.  They don't have any special training for driving in snow.  And no one wants to even consider what might happen if there is a bus accident because of snowy conditions.  It is so very much easier if we just eliminate the possibility from the beginning.  When I lived in New Jersey, we went to school on even the worst snow days, but the bus drivers were experienced drivers who often drove in snowy conditions.  I used to laugh at the school closings in North Carolina until it dawned on my that if I had a child, I wouldn't want him or her on one of those school buses on snow covered roads.  Oh, did I forget to mention that snow plows are a joke in North Carolina.  I'm sure there are a few somewhere, but it's usually several days after the snowfall before you actually see one.


Another delight to watch after the first mention of the "S" word, is the grocery store spectacle.  Tim and Ann and Bud and I have decided there is something about snow that makes people crave french toast.  Every time there is a prediction of snow, vast numbers of shoppers dash to the local store to stock up on (hoard) milk and eggs and bread, often depleting the entire stock.  As those are the only ingredients needed for basic french toast, that must be what everyone is planning.  I've never quite understood why any household would need six gallons of milk (maybe the Duggar family with 19 kids, but they'd need the milk whether it was snowing or not).  Seriously!  What do they plan to do with all that milk?  The roads are going to be clear in a day or two.  It seems to me six gallons of milk will go bad long before it would be consumed.


So what does all of this have to do with me freezing?  Nothing.  As usual, I got off on another track and had some trouble getting back to my original thought.  The temperature outside right now is 31º F and the wind chill is 19º F.   It snowed 10 days ago, and the stupid stuff stayed on the ground long enough to get filthy (not just dirty, but downright disgustingly untidy).  It warmed up to the mid-30's over the weekend, just long enough to melt the rest of that unsightly mess, and now it's back below freezing again.  The forecast high this week is for Friday, when it is expected to be a balmy 43º F, but raining (I hope, rather than snow, though either will result in sending me to bed for the duration).  Snow is expected on Thursday and Saturday so I'm not really holding out a lot of hope for Friday.  Have I mentioned that I hate cold.  I'm old.  I don't like extremes in temperatures.  I don't want to be hot, I don't want to be cold.  I don't want to wear layers.  I'm fat.  When I layer, I look grotesque.  I have a really heavy jacket with a liner (which can be worn by itself as a lighter jacket) and a hood and snaps that close off the wrists so air can't get up and freeze your arm.  It weighs about 30 pounds, but it keeps the top 2/3 of me warm. I also have scarves and toboggan type hats if I need more warmth.   I have heavy sweatpants and knee high socks and boots to keep my lower half warm.  When I go outside, I look like one of those little kids who is so bundled up they would never be able to stand again should they accidentally fall over.  I want to wear flip flops, shorts and a t-shirt.  Sure I can wear those things, but my teeth would chatter and I'd take on a bluish tint which is not my best look.  We keep the thermostat set on 73º F.  I'm not uncomfortable in the house.  Until I have to let the dogs in or out, or I have to go to the mailbox, or I have to greet the UPS man or the FedEx man or whoever is delivering packages on that day (today it was both of them).  It's cold out there and apparently it's gonna stay cold out there.


I wanna move further south and closer to the beach.  Somewhere on Aruba might be nice.  I don't know; I've never been there.  But, I'd be willing to make the sacrifice and go site unseen.  If it has already snowed in this southern state (and it has), I'm fairly sure I'm not gonna be happy with the way the rest of this winter is gonna pan out.